Holidays alone

The lights go up in other people's windows, and your table is set for one. Here's how to get through a holiday alone on your own terms.

When everyone else is celebrating

Holidays arrive whether you're ready or not. There are lights next door, carols in the grocery store, and cards that picture a full table. Maybe you're spending the day alone this year. Your children may live far away, or call briefly, or be busy with families of their own. Someone who knew all the old jokes may be gone. Plenty of good, well-loved people spend holidays alone, and this year you're one of them.

You don't have to fake cheer you don't feel. Eat the meal you actually want, even if it's small and nothing like the ones in the ads. A holiday spent alone is still a day in your life, and it says nothing about how loved you are. Nobody knows what next year will bring, and this page won't pretend to.

Wanting company

Wanting someone at the table is normal, and you don't have to make the wish go away before you can enjoy any part of the day. If there's a person you feel safe with, one true sentence is enough: "It's a slow day here, and I'd love to hear your voice." They might be busy, and that's all right, because a call that doesn't happen usually just means a busy day on their end. This site won't teach you how to make anyone feel they have to come, since everything here is about your own mind. If a voice inside calls you pathetic for being alone on a holiday, remember that it's speaking from fear and has turned unkind.

When it feels heavier than lonely

Sometimes a holiday stirs up a low mood too, and it's hard to tell whether you're lonely, sad, or something heavier. If the heaviness lasts past the holiday, read the depression room, including rainy Sundays. When the date marks the anniversary of a loss, that page is written for you. Your doctor can also help you sort out what you're feeling.

If you take an antidepressant or any other prescribed medicine, keep taking it through the holiday as prescribed, even if the day feels pointless. Talk with your doctor before changing anything. A walk, a hymn, or a nicely set plate can be a small kindness to yourself, but none of them takes the place of treatment.

Plan one small thing

Before the day starts, choose one small thing to look forward to, like the time you'll eat, the lamp you'll light, or a show you'll watch in the evening. Pick a time to stop comparing your window to the one across the street, too. On holidays, comparing is easy and almost never helps. Other people's gatherings tell you nothing about your own worth.

If you need care

If you're in crisis in the United States, call or text 988 (https://988lifeline.org/) now, before you read any further. You don't need a good reason or the right words. If you're outside the United States, call your local emergency number or a local crisis line. A real person can stay on the line with you.

If you're not in crisis, you can still tell your doctor that holidays are lonely for you, since that's part of your health. Keep any prescribed medicine as it is until you've talked it over together. There's more in the loneliness room, short definitions in the glossary (including loneliness and adjunct to care), and short answers in the FAQ. Nothing on this page is for sale, and no page can promise you company. This page is not yet medically reviewed.