Long evenings at home

Supper's over early, and the rest of the evening stretches out with nobody to share it. Here are a few small things that can help.

The long end of the day

This kind of loneliness often builds up slowly. Work ends, and the schedule that used to fill your days goes with it. Friends move, get sick, or die, or they just become harder to reach. The phone rings less. Maybe you lost a husband or wife, or maybe you've lived alone for years. Either way, the hard part is usually the evening, the hours between supper and bed, when the TV is talking to nobody in particular and you'd love to hear a voice that already knows your stories.

This page is about loneliness, the wish for more company than you have. If grief is the bigger weight, the depression room has a page on widowhood. If the change started when the kids left home, read the empty nest. Some evenings alone are good ones, with a book, a bath, or a prayer at your own pace. You're allowed to enjoy those and still admit that the other kind, the evening that drags because nobody's coming, is hard.

A small evening routine

A simple routine gives the evening some shape. Turn a lamp on at the same time each night, on purpose. Eat at the table on a real plate, even if the meal is small and the other chair is empty. Close the curtains when the day is done. These habits won't bring a visitor, but they remind you that you're worth looking after, and they make the evening easier to get through.

Reaching out

If you'd like more company, try one small step. Set up a standing weekly phone call with someone you like. Write a letter without apologizing for writing it. Find a hall, a church, or a club where people already gather, and go for an hour. You're allowed to stay near the edge, and you're allowed to leave early. Sometimes the step won't work out, and you can try again another week, maybe somewhere else. One evening that goes badly tells you very little about yourself.

Arcana Mentis won't teach you how to persuade or manage anyone into keeping you company, because everything here is about your own mind. That includes the harsh voice that calls you pathetic for wanting someone around in the evening. That voice is wrong. Wanting people is one of the oldest human needs, and you never age out of it.

If you need care

If you're in crisis in the United States, call or text 988 (https://988lifeline.org/) now, before you read any further. You don't need a good reason or the right words. If you're outside the United States, call your local emergency number or a local crisis line. A real person can stay on the line with you.

If you're not in crisis but the loneliness has brought something heavier with it, like a flat feeling, a tiredness sleep doesn't fix, or a sense that tomorrow has shrunk, tell your doctor and read the depression room. Keep taking any antidepressant or other prescribed medicine as prescribed. Company can help a lot, but it can't do the job of your treatment. There's more in the loneliness room, short definitions in the glossary (including loneliness and adjunct to care), and short answers in the FAQ. Nothing on this page is for sale, and no page can promise that a friend will come. This page is not yet medically reviewed.