The empty nest

The kids are grown and gone, and you're proud of them, but the house feels too big. Here are a few small things to try, and how to tell when it's time to call your doctor.

A house finally in order

You spent years getting them ready to leave, and now they have. The grocery list is shorter, the bedroom doors stay open on made beds, and the phone calls are warm and brief. You love hearing about their lives, and the afternoon still feels long once you hang up. A tidy house can still feel like a sad one.

You can miss them sharply on the same day you're proud of them. For years your days were full of driving, cooking, and checking in, and now most of those jobs are gone. Lots of parents feel this, whether they talk about it or not. Feeling low after the kids leave doesn't mean you're depressed, and it doesn't rule depression out either. If the sadness thickens into a flatness that won't lift, or into a fear you can't talk yourself out of by evening, tell your doctor.

When they visit

When they call or come home, you might feel pressure to act cheerful so they know their leaving did no harm. You don't have to put on a show. You can tell them the truth gently: you're glad they're doing well, and some evenings are long. Your life still counts while they live somewhere else, and you were a whole person before you were their parent.

If you take an antidepressant or any other prescribed medicine, keep taking it as prescribed. An empty house isn't a reason to stop, skip, or change a dose on your own. Tell the doctor who prescribed it how things have been, including how the house feels now. There's no deadline for feeling settled, so take this at your own pace.

An hour that's yours

Try claiming one hour a day as your own. Take a walk if your body is up to it, write a letter that doesn't ask anyone to fill your evening, or call a friend you've lost touch with. Use the chair by the window for reading instead of waiting for the phone to ring. You can love your children deeply and still build a life that doesn't run entirely through them.

If the long evenings are the hardest part, read long evenings at home in the loneliness room. If it's the heaviness that settled in when they left, this page is the better fit. Both can be true at once, and you're welcome to read both.

If you need care

If you're in crisis in the United States, call or text 988 (https://988lifeline.org/) now, before you read any further. You don't have to sound calm or composed to ask for help. If you're outside the United States, call your local emergency number or a local crisis line. A real person can stay on the line with you.

If you're not in crisis but the low mood keeps hanging on, book an appointment with your doctor, or keep the one you already have. Keep any prescribed medicine as it is until you've talked it over together, even if you feel you ought to be able to reason your way through this. There's more in the depression room, short definitions in the glossary (including depression and adjunct to care), and short answers in the FAQ. Nothing on this page is for sale. This page is not yet medically reviewed.