Talk with your clinician
An appointment can be hard to get to on a heavy day. Here’s how to get ready, what to bring, and what to say once you’re in the room.
Your medicine stays as it is
Please read this part first, and come back to it if anything later on seems to say otherwise. Keep taking your antidepressant, or any other prescribed medicine, exactly as prescribed. Arcana Mentis will never tell you to stop, skip, lower, raise, switch, or start a medicine, because this site can’t see your body or your health history. Changing a dose on your own can be dangerous. Any change belongs in a conversation with the clinician who prescribed it, and the two of you decide together.
Asking questions is always fine. Maybe you’ve been polite in the doctor’s office for years and left with the important question still in your coat pocket. Maybe a medicine was offered recently and you’re unsure about it. Either way, you’re welcome here. If you want help writing down what you’ve noticed about a medicine, start with questioning the medicine. This page is about getting to the appointment and making good use of it.
Why it helps to get ready for the appointment
Most people know the drive home from the doctor’s office, when the question you meant to ask comes back to you at the second traffic light. Appointments are often short, and a low mood makes words and memory harder to find on the spot. A little preparation, about 20 minutes spread over a couple of evenings, gives you a much better chance of saying what you came to say.
You don’t need special words. Doctors learn the most from plain descriptions of ordinary days: when you wake, whether you eat, what you’ve stopped doing, and how long it’s been going on. Your primary care doctor is a fine place to start. Many people first bring up their mood with the same doctor who checks their blood pressure, and that doctor can treat depression or refer you to someone who specializes in it, such as a psychiatrist, a medical doctor who focuses on mental health.
On this page, a clinician means any trained professional who can treat you. That includes a primary care doctor, a nurse practitioner, a physician assistant, a psychiatrist, or a therapist such as a psychologist, a clinical social worker, or a licensed counselor. Doctors, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants can prescribe medicine, and therapists usually provide talk therapy instead. The steps below work for an appointment with any of them.
How to make the appointment
For many people, the phone call is the hardest part. Make it at the time of day you feel strongest, and write down what you’ll say before you dial. A sentence like this is plenty: “I’d like an appointment with my doctor to talk about my mood. It’s been low for about a month, and it isn’t lifting.” If the first opening is weeks away, ask to go on the cancellation list, and ask whether a nurse can call you back sooner. Many offices also offer video or phone visits, which can be easier on a heavy day. If you don’t have a regular doctor, a community health center is a good place to start, and the people who answer 988 can also help you find care near you.
If making the call is too much on your own, ask a friend or a grown child to stay with you while you dial, or to make the call with you on speaker. A canceled appointment is worth mentioning at the visit, since it tells your clinician how heavy the days have been. For people on Medicare, Part B covers one depression screening a year with your primary care doctor, and the office can tell you how to book it.
If your mood gets worse while you wait for the appointment, you don’t have to wait it out. Call the office back and tell them it’s worse, and ask whether you can be seen sooner. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988 any time, day or night.
What to write down before you go
Use one sheet of paper, and put it in your bag or coat pocket the night before. Start with what you’ve noticed, in a few lines: when the low mood began, whether it’s there most days, and what a typical day looks like now. Add your sleep, your appetite, your energy, and the pastimes you’ve let go. If your life has changed in a big way in the past year, through a death, a move, retirement, a diagnosis, or a divorce, write that down too, because it helps your doctor see the whole picture.
Then list every medicine you take, with the dose, including over-the-counter pills, vitamins, and supplements. Some medicines and health conditions can affect mood, and a doctor can only check for that with the full list in front of them. If it’s easier, bring all the bottles in a bag.
Last, write your questions, in the words you’d use at your own kitchen table. You might ask what the doctor thinks is going on, what the treatment options are, and what you can do at home in the meantime. If you already take a medicine, you might say, “I’ve been wondering whether this medicine is still right for me.” It can also help to ask what signs would mean it’s time to talk about a change, so you aren’t left guessing between visits.
Bring the heavy mornings, the lonely evenings, and the appointment you nearly canceled. If a friend told you to stop the medicine, write that down as a question for your clinician. Mentioning a worry is safe, and it doesn’t commit you to anything. If your clinician has already told you to make a change, follow those instructions.
What usually happens at the visit
Many offices hand you a short questionnaire about your mood, sleep, and energy over the past two weeks. Answer it the way your days have really been, even if you’d rather present a brighter picture, since the answers help your doctor see how heavy things have gotten. The doctor will probably ask about your daily life, your health history, and whether depression runs in your family.
Your doctor may ask whether you’ve had thoughts of death or suicide. That question is routine, and doctors ask it of many patients. A straight answer helps your doctor choose the right kind of help and keep you safe, and a yes is something doctors know how to respond to with care.
The doctor may order blood tests to check for health problems that can affect mood, such as thyroid trouble or a low vitamin B12 level. Then you’ll likely talk about options, which often include talk therapy, medicine, or both. You’re allowed to ask for time to think, and to ask what each option involves, how long it usually takes to help, and what it costs.
You can bring someone you trust to listen and take notes, such as a friend, a sister, or a grown child. Tell the doctor at the start that they’re there to help you remember. If you’d like to speak alone for part of the visit, you can ask them to step out for a few minutes.
If the visit is by video or phone, the same steps apply at home. Test the link a day early, or ask a grandchild or neighbor to help you set it up. Pick a room where you can close the door, keep your list and a pen beside you, and have your pill bottles within reach in case the doctor asks about a dose.
What to say once you’re in the room
Say the most important thing in the first minute, before the visit fills up with your knee or your refill. You might start with: “Here are my questions, and I’m not changing anything until we decide together.” If this is your first conversation about mood, you might start with: “I’ve been low most days since spring, and I’d like to talk about it today.”
You don’t have to be eloquent. If you’ve spent years being the polite one, you’re allowed to use the whole appointment on yourself. Saying you’re unsure about your treatment is fine, and so is asking, “Could you write that down for me?” when an answer goes by too fast. If you start to cry, that’s all right. Doctors see tears every week, there’s usually a box of tissues within reach, and you can take a minute before you go on.
A few practical steps can make the visit easier. If you have trouble hearing, tell the front desk when you check in, and ask the doctor to face you while they talk. If English isn’t your first language, ask for an interpreter, which many offices can arrange. Bring your reading glasses, too, so you can read your own list without squinting.
Before you leave, repeat the plan back in your own words: “So I keep taking this as prescribed, I come back in a month, and I call you if it gets worse.” Hearing it back helps you both catch any mix-ups. Ask who to call with a question between visits, and write that number on your sheet.
After the appointment
Before you pull out of the parking lot, or as soon as you get home, write down what you heard while it’s fresh: what the doctor thinks, what the plan is, and when you go back. If you got a new prescription, the pharmacist can answer questions when you pick it up, including the ones you didn’t get to ask the doctor. Many offices have an online portal where you can read the visit notes and send a short question later.
If you’re starting a new treatment, put the follow-up date on the wall calendar and set a reminder a day ahead. Between visits, jot down a line or two each week about your sleep, your mornings, and anything that feels different, good or bad. Those notes become the first page of your list for the next appointment, and they make the second visit easier than the first.
If the visit left you feeling brushed off, act on that feeling instead of swallowing it. You can call back and say, “I don’t think I explained how bad it’s been, and I’d like to talk again.” You can also ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or a therapist, or for a second opinion. Keep taking any prescribed medicine as prescribed while you sort it out.
Give yourself credit for going. Getting to an appointment on a heavy day takes real effort, and you did it. Plan something small and pleasant for afterward, such as a coffee somewhere you like or a call to a friend, so there’s something to look forward to after the waiting room.
Reading alongside care
This page is education meant to go alongside your care. It can give you words to carry into the appointment, and your clinician is the one who can examine you and talk through your treatment. If your questions are mixed up with a low mood, the depression room has more, and if the first hour of the day is the worst of it, heavy mornings has ideas to bring along. If your questions are mixed up with a lonely week, medicine and loneliness gives the same advice: feeling lonely is never a reason to set a prescription aside on your own.
Everything on this site is about your own mind, so you won’t find tips here for talking a clinician into an answer you’ve already settled on. Go in with the truth about how you’ve been, and make any decision about medicine together. If the night before the appointment turns into a crisis, call or text 988 right away.
Learn more from trusted sources
These public health agencies explain depression, its treatment, and how to find care in more detail than this site does.
- Older adults and mental health from the National Institute of Mental Health explains how to find care later in life.
- Depression and older adults from the National Institute on Aging describes what depression can look like after 50 and how it is treated.
- Depression from the National Institute of Mental Health covers the signs, the causes, and the treatments that help.
If you need care
If you’re in crisis in the United States, call or text 988 now, before you read any further or make any decision about a medicine. You don’t need a good reason or the right words. If you’re outside the United States, call your local emergency number or a local crisis line. A real person can stay on the line with you.
If you’re not in crisis, keep every prescribed medicine as prescribed until your clinician changes the plan with you, and bring the questions you wrote. There’s more in the depression room, short definitions in the glossary (including depression and adjunct to care), and answers about medicine in the depression FAQ and the Site FAQ. This page is not yet medically reviewed.