Arcana Mentis Hidden Knowledge of the Mind

Living alone after 60

By Casey Hale · Updated

Living alone after 60 can feel peaceful one day and lonely the next, and both are normal. What helps most is a simple daily routine, one person who checks in with you every day, a phone always within reach, real meals, a plan for the evenings, and a few places where people know your name.

The first stretch of living alone

People come to live alone in many ways. A husband or wife dies, a marriage ends, the last child moves out, a roommate leaves, or you’ve lived on your own for decades and only now notice the house feels bigger. However you got here, the first weeks have a particular sound: the refrigerator humming, the clock in the hall, your own footsteps, and nobody calling from the next room.

Living alone and being lonely are different, though they often show up together. Many people who live alone have full, happy weeks, and many people in busy households feel lonely. What tends to help is a mix of practical steps and people: a daily routine, a simple safety net, meals you look forward to, a plan for the evenings, and regular contact with a few people outside the house. This page walks through each of those.

If you’re living alone because your spouse died, loneliness after losing a spouse covers the first months in more detail. If the main problem is missing your old circle of friends, start with making friends later in life.

A daily routine that keeps the day from drifting

When nobody else is in the house, the day has no outside shape. Breakfast can slide to 11, the bathrobe can stay on until supper, and an afternoon nap can turn into a sleepless night. A loose routine gives the day a few fixed points, so you’re never facing all of it at once.

Three daily anchors work well for many people living alone:

  • Get up and dressed at about the same time each day, including shoes, even if you’re not going anywhere.
  • Leave the house at least once, for the mailbox, a walk around the block, the grocery store, or the library.
  • Talk to at least one person, by phone, in person, or over the fence, even for five minutes.

Then add a few weekly anchors: one standing plan with another person, one activity that meets on the same day each week, and one errand you save for a set morning, like the farmers market on Saturday or the bank on Tuesday. Weekly anchors give you something to look forward to and a reason to keep your calendar on the refrigerator.

Keep the routine small enough to manage on a tired day. If you miss part of it, pick up at the next anchor instead of writing off the whole day.

Staying safe when you live alone

Safety is one of the biggest worries for people living on their own, and a few simple arrangements can ease it a lot. The most useful step is a daily check-in. Ask one person, a friend, a neighbor, or a grown child, to hear from you every day at a set time. It can be as short as a text: “Morning, all fine here.” Agree on what they’ll do if they don’t hear from you by a certain hour, such as calling twice and then calling a neighbor who has your spare key.

Two neighbors can also check on each other. A simple signal works, like opening a certain curtain by 9 each morning. Some police departments, senior centers, and local agencies run free daily check-in call programs for people who live alone. Your local Area Agency on Aging, a public office that connects people with services where they live, can tell you what’s available. You can find it through the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116.

Keep a phone within reach all day and all night. Carry your cell phone in a pocket from room to room instead of leaving it on the kitchen counter, and keep it charged by your bed at night. If you fall, the phone in your pocket is the one that helps. Some people also wear a medical alert button, a small device that calls for help when pressed, and some models can detect a fall. Ask your doctor whether one makes sense for you.

A few more steps cover most of the rest:

  • Give a spare key to a neighbor or relative you trust, rather than hiding one outside.
  • Tape a list of your medicines, your doctor’s name, allergies, and an emergency contact inside a kitchen cabinet or on the refrigerator, where paramedics can find it.
  • Use night lights between the bedroom and the bathroom, and take loose rugs off the floor or tape them down.
  • Ask your doctor about your risk of falling, and whether grab bars in the bathroom would help.

Call 911 right away for chest pain or pressure, trouble breathing, sudden confusion, weakness or numbness on one side, trouble speaking, or a sudden severe headache. Call even if you’re not sure, and even if you’d hate to bother anyone.

Living alone can also draw the attention of scammers. If a caller or a new online friend asks for money, gift cards, bank details, or secrecy, hang up and check with someone you trust before doing anything. A real company or government office will let you call them back.

Cooking and eating for one

Many people who live alone find that meals slip first. Cooking for one can feel like too much effort for too little reward, and supper turns into crackers over the sink. Eating well matters for your energy and your mood, so it’s worth making meals easy.

Cook once and eat several times. A pot of soup, a pan of baked chicken, or a tray of roasted vegetables can be split into portions and frozen in small containers, so a real supper takes only a few minutes to heat on a tired night. Keep a few easy staples on hand, like eggs, canned beans, frozen vegetables, bread, and cheese, for nights when you don’t want to cook at all.

Set the table for yourself. Put a placemat down, use a real plate, and turn on music or the radio. Eating at the table instead of in front of the television helps a meal feel like a meal.

Share a meal when you can. Many senior centers and faith communities serve a weekly lunch, often for a small donation, and eating with others once or twice a week makes a big difference to many people. You could also start a simple swap with a neighbor who lives alone: you make soup on Monday, they make a casserole on Thursday, and you trade portions. If cooking has become hard because of your health, ask your Area Agency on Aging about home-delivered meals. The driver’s daily visit adds a friendly face and a second set of eyes.

Making the evenings easier

For most people living alone, evenings and weekends are the hardest stretch. The day’s errands are done, the light goes, and the house gets still. A little planning helps a lot.

Turn on lamps before it gets dark, and put one or two on a timer so you never come home to a dark house. Bring voices in with the radio, a podcast, or an audiobook while you cook. Set up a standing evening call with one person, say every Tuesday and Friday at 7, so you have calls on the calendar instead of hoping the phone rings. Plan one evening out each week, even something small, like a library talk, a class, or supper at a diner counter.

There’s more on evenings in long evenings at home, and on weekends in lonely weekends and Sundays.

Learning to enjoy your own company

Living alone has real pleasures, and many people come to love them over time. You set the thermostat, choose the radio station, eat supper at 4 or at 8, leave the book open on the table, and go to bed when you like. Some people find the first year alone is the first time in decades that their days have belonged to them.

Enjoying solitude usually takes some practice, especially if you spent most of your life around other people. Start by choosing one pleasure a day on purpose: a long bath, a jigsaw puzzle on the dining table, an hour in the garden, a crossword with your coffee, or a film that nobody else wanted to watch. Choosing it on purpose makes it feel like time you gave yourself rather than time that happened to be empty.

Try going out alone too. A matinee, a museum, a concert in the park, or lunch at a restaurant with a book are all easier than they look from the doorway. Most people around you are busy with their own day, and the staff at a small place may come to know you as a regular.

A hobby you can pick up and put down helps fill the gaps, and one that connects you to others helps twice. A knitting circle, a woodshop, a garden club, a choir, or a birding group gives you something to do at home and people to see once a week.

Keeping people in your week

Being content alone doesn’t mean you have to manage alone. Most people need some regular contact with others to feel well, and the easiest way to get it is to show up at the same place at the same time each week until people know you. Choose one activity that meets weekly, such as a class, a walking group, a volunteer shift, or a faith community, and go four times before you decide whether it fits.

Get to know your nearest neighbors, even a little. Learn their names, wave when you see them, and offer small favors, like bringing in their mail when they travel. Neighbors are often the people who notice first if your curtains stay closed.

Some people find a pet helps a lot, since a dog gets you out walking and talking to other dog owners, and a cat greets you at the door. A pet costs money and care for many years, though, so think about your budget and health before adopting, or try fostering for a shelter first. If your friends live far away, a weekly video call keeps faces in your week, and online friendships covers that kind of company.

When living alone starts to feel heavy

Spending more time alone can let a low mood creep in without anyone around to notice. Watch for signs like skipping meals, staying in your bathrobe for days, letting the mail pile up, sleeping much more or less than usual, or losing interest in what you used to enjoy. If any of those have lasted most days for two weeks or more, tell your doctor. You might say, “I’ve lived alone for a year now, and lately I’ve stopped going out and I don’t see the point most days.”

Keep taking any prescribed medicine as prescribed, and bring questions about it to the doctor who prescribed it. A weekly pill box and a list of your medicines help when nobody else is keeping track. If the heaviness feels like more than loneliness, the depression room can help.

If you’ve handed over the car keys, When you stop driving has ideas for rides and for keeping your week full. If a pet was your company at home and has died, read After your pet is gone.

Common questions

Is it normal to feel lonely living alone?

Yes, it’s very common to feel lonely at times when you live alone, especially in the evenings, on weekends, and in the first months after a change like a death, a divorce, or a move. Living alone and feeling lonely are different, and many people who live alone feel content most of the time. Loneliness usually eases with regular contact: a daily check-in call, a weekly activity with the same people, and a neighbor you know by name. If you feel low most days for two weeks or more, or you’ve stopped enjoying what you used to, tell your doctor.

How can I stay safe living alone?

Start with a daily check-in: one person who hears from you at a set time each day and knows what to do if you don’t answer. Keep your phone in your pocket as you move around the house, and charge it by your bed at night. Give a spare key to a trusted neighbor, tape a list of your medicines and emergency contacts where paramedics can find it, and use night lights between the bedroom and bathroom. Ask your doctor about your risk of falling and whether a medical alert button makes sense for you. Your local Area Agency on Aging can tell you about free check-in programs nearby.

How do I eat well when I live alone and cooking feels pointless?

Make meals as easy as you can. Cook a big pot of soup or a pan of chicken once, split it into portions, and freeze them, so supper only needs heating. Keep simple staples on hand, like eggs, canned beans, frozen vegetables, bread, and cheese. Eat at the table with a real plate and the radio on, rather than standing at the counter. Look for a weekly shared lunch at a senior center or faith community, or trade meals with a neighbor who also lives alone. If cooking has become hard because of your health, ask your Area Agency on Aging about home-delivered meals.

Will getting a pet help with loneliness?

A pet helps many people who live alone. A dog gives you a reason to walk every day and an easy way to start conversations with neighbors, and a cat or a bird adds life to the house. A pet doesn’t replace people, so keep some regular human contact in your week as well. Before you adopt, think about the cost of food and vet bills, your health, and who would care for the animal if you were sick or traveling. Fostering for a local shelter, or helping walk a neighbor’s dog, lets you try it before you commit.

What can I do if I don’t want to live alone anymore?

You have more options than staying put or moving in with family. Some people take in a housemate, and many areas have home sharing programs that match homeowners with renters and check references. Others move to an apartment or community with shared meals and activities, or closer to family or friends. A big move is easier when it isn’t rushed, so talk it over with people you trust and, for money or legal questions, with a financial adviser or lawyer. Your Area Agency on Aging can explain local housing and support options.

Learn more from trusted sources

These public health agencies explain staying connected, and the warning signs that need a fast call for help, in more detail than this site does.

If you need care

If you’re in crisis in the United States, call or text 988 now, before you read any further. You don’t need a good reason or the right words. If you’re outside the United States, call your local emergency number or a local crisis line. A real person can stay on the line with you.

If you’re not in crisis but living alone has brought something heavier with it, like a flat feeling most days or a tiredness sleep doesn’t fix, tell your doctor. Keep any prescribed medicine as prescribed until you’ve talked it over together. There’s more in the loneliness room and its questions and answers, short definitions in the glossary (including loneliness), and short answers in the Site FAQ. This page is not yet medically reviewed.