When hearing gets harder
Hearing loss often leads to loneliness, because following conversation gets tiring and embarrassing, and people slowly stop going to the dinners, calls, and gatherings they used to enjoy. A hearing check, a few clear requests to the people around you, and tools like hearing aids and captioned phones can bring much of that company back.
Why hearing loss pulls people away from company
It starts small. At a family dinner, everyone laughs at a joke, and you laugh a beat late because you caught only the end of it. At a restaurant, you nod along to a story you can’t follow over the clatter of plates. On the phone, your sister’s voice sounds muffled, so you keep the calls short. After a while, staying home starts to feel easier than straining to keep up.
That slow retreat is one of the most common ways hearing loss turns into loneliness. Listening hard for two hours is tiring, and asking people to say it again for the third time can feel embarrassing. Many people start skipping the noisy places first, like restaurants, parties, and church coffee hour, and then the phone calls, until the week has very few voices in it.
Hearing loss can also make you feel left out even when you’re in the room. When the talk at the table moves fast and you miss half of it, you can feel lonelier than you would at home alone. Friends and family may not realize what’s happening. They may think you’re tired, distracted, or uninterested, when you’re working as hard as you can to follow along.
The good news is that a lot of help exists, and much of it is simple. The rest of this page covers how to tell whether hearing is part of your loneliness, how to get it checked, and what tools and habits make conversation easier.
Signs that hearing may be part of it
Hearing usually changes slowly, so it’s easy to miss. You may notice that you often ask people to say it again, or that others seem to mumble. Family members may say the TV is too loud. Conversations in restaurants, cars, and groups may be much harder to follow than one-on-one talks in a calm room. High voices, like those of children and grandchildren, may be harder to understand than low ones.
Other signs include trouble on the phone, missing the doorbell or the kettle, hearing a ringing or buzzing in your ears, and feeling worn out after social events. Some people realize what’s going on only when they notice they’ve started making excuses to skip gatherings they used to enjoy.
If a friend or relative has mentioned your hearing, take it seriously, even if it stings. People who love you often notice changes before you do.
Getting a hearing check
The first step is to tell your doctor you’d like your hearing checked. Your doctor can look in your ears for problems such as built-up earwax, which a doctor can safely remove, and can refer you for a full hearing test. Don’t try to dig out wax yourself with cotton swabs or other objects.
A full hearing test is usually done by an audiologist, a hearing specialist trained to test hearing and fit hearing aids. The test is painless. You’ll wear headphones in a small booth, press a button when you hear tones, and repeat words spoken at different volumes. Afterward, the audiologist will show you a chart of your results and explain what kind of hearing loss you have, if any, and how much. Bring a family member or friend if you’d like a second set of ears for the explanation.
Some hearing changes need prompt medical care. If you lose hearing suddenly, especially in one ear, see a doctor right away, within a day or two, because early treatment can matter. Tell your doctor promptly about ear pain, fluid coming from the ear, dizziness with hearing loss, or ringing in only one ear.
Some medicines can affect hearing. If you notice a change after starting a new medicine, tell the doctor who prescribed it, and keep taking it as prescribed until you’ve talked.
Hearing aids, including over-the-counter hearing aids
Hearing aids help many people with hearing loss follow conversation again, though they take some getting used to. Your brain needs time to adjust to sounds it hasn’t heard clearly in a while, so the first weeks can feel noisy and strange. Most people do best wearing them every day, for most of the day, starting with calmer settings and working up to busier ones.
Since October 2022, adults 18 and older in the United States with perceived mild to moderate hearing loss can buy over-the-counter hearing aids. They’re sold in drugstores, big-box stores, and online without a prescription or an exam, and they usually cost less than prescription hearing aids. You set them up yourself, often with a phone app.
Over-the-counter hearing aids aren’t meant for severe hearing loss, sudden hearing loss, or hearing loss with pain or dizziness, so a hearing test first is a good idea if you’re unsure. Prescription hearing aids, fitted by an audiologist or hearing aid specialist, may suit you better if your loss is more than mild to moderate, if you’d like help with fitting and adjustments, or if an over-the-counter pair hasn’t worked.
Before you buy, check the return policy and trial period, and keep the receipt. Take your time, and don’t let anyone rush you into signing a contract on your first visit. Traditional Medicare generally doesn’t cover hearing aids, though some Medicare Advantage plans and other insurance include hearing benefits, so call your plan and ask what it covers.
Captioned phones and other tools that help
If phone calls have become hard to hear, a captioned telephone can help. It shows the words of the other person on a screen as they talk, so you can read what you miss. In the United States, captioned phone service for people with hearing loss is paid for by a federal program and is free to the user, and providers can help you sign up. Many states also run equipment programs that provide amplified or captioned phones at low or no cost to residents who qualify. Your audiologist, your doctor’s office, or your local Area Agency on Aging can tell you about programs near you.
Many smartphones and tablets now have built-in live captions that show speech as text on the screen, during calls and in person. Video calls let you see faces, which helps with lip reading, and many video call apps can show captions too. Texting is also a fine way to stay in touch, and it often keeps a friendship going between visits; online-only friendships covers friends you mostly know through a screen.
At home, turn on TV captions, and ask about a TV listening device that sends sound straight to headphones or your hearing aids. A doorbell or phone that flashes a light can help you stop missing visitors and calls. Many theaters, places of worship, and meeting rooms have hearing loops, a wire around the room that sends sound straight to hearing aids with a telecoil setting, or offer assistive listening headsets. Look for a sign with an ear symbol, or ask at the front desk.
Telling people what helps you hear
Most people are glad to help once they know what to do. The trouble is that many people with hearing loss keep it private, so friends don’t know why the conversation feels off. Saying it early, in a light way, saves a lot of strain.
You could say, “My hearing isn’t what it was. If you face me when you talk, I’ll catch almost all of it.” Or, “I hear you best one on one. Could we meet somewhere calm instead of the big party?” On the phone, try, “If I ask you to say something again, could you put it in different words? That usually helps more than saying it louder.”
A few requests make a big difference. Ask people to face you, to get your attention before they start talking, to speak clearly without shouting, and to take turns rather than talk over each other. Ask them to keep their hands away from their mouths and to stand where light falls on their face. When you miss a word, say what you did catch: “You said you’re going to visit someone on Saturday, but I missed who.”
If you’d like company from people who understand, the Hearing Loss Association of America has local chapters and online groups where people share tips and practical help.
Group settings, restaurants, and gatherings
Groups and noisy rooms are often the hardest part, so plan ahead and choose your spots. Pick restaurants with carpet, booths, and soft music, and go at off-peak hours like an early supper or a weekday lunch. Ask for a table away from the kitchen and the speakers. Choose a seat with your back to a wall and the light behind you, so you can see faces clearly.
At family gatherings, find a corner away from the TV, and invite one or two people at a time to come talk with you. A walk around the block with one person is often easier than a crowded living room. Ask a close relative to fill you in when you miss a key piece, or to repeat a joke at your end of the table.
Smaller groups usually work better than big ones. A book club of five, a weekly coffee with two friends, or a card game at one table may suit you better than a party of 30. If an event matters to you, like a wedding or a reunion, tell the host ahead of time and ask for a place at the table near the people you most want to talk with.
Give yourself permission to leave early or to take a break outside when listening wears you out. Going for an hour and leaving tired is better for your friendships than staying home. If evenings at home have grown long since you stopped going out, long evenings at home has ideas, and wanting a friend at 70 covers building new friendships.
Common questions
Can hearing loss cause loneliness?
Hearing loss often leads to loneliness, because conversation becomes tiring and embarrassing when you keep missing words. Many people start skipping restaurants, parties, and phone calls without realizing hearing is the reason, and their week slowly loses its voices. Friends may think you’re uninterested when you’re struggling to follow. A hearing check, hearing aids if you need them, captioned phones, and telling people what helps you hear can make it much easier to stay part of the conversation. If you’ve felt low for two weeks or more, talk with your doctor as well.
Are over-the-counter hearing aids any good?
Over-the-counter hearing aids can work well for many adults with mild to moderate hearing loss, and they usually cost less than prescription hearing aids. Since October 2022, adults 18 and older in the United States can buy them in stores and online without an exam or a prescription. They aren’t meant for severe hearing loss, sudden hearing loss, or hearing loss with ear pain or dizziness. If you’re not sure how much hearing loss you have, a hearing test first is a good idea. Check the return policy before you buy.
How do I get a free captioned phone?
In the United States, captioned phone service for people with hearing loss is paid for by a federal program and is free to the user. Captioned telephone providers can help you sign up and will ask you to confirm that you need the service because of hearing loss. Many states also have equipment programs that offer amplified or captioned phones at low or no cost to residents who qualify. Your audiologist, your doctor’s office, or your local Area Agency on Aging can help you find the right program.
How do I tell my friends I can’t hear well?
Say it early and simply, and tell them exactly what helps. You might say, “My hearing isn’t what it was. If you face me when you talk, I’ll catch almost all of it.” Ask people to get your attention before speaking, to talk clearly without shouting, to take turns, and to rephrase rather than repeat when you miss a word. Most friends are relieved to know, because they may have noticed conversations felt strained and not known why. Suggesting calmer places to meet helps too.
Does Medicare pay for hearing aids?
Traditional Medicare generally doesn’t cover hearing aids or the exams to fit them. Some Medicare Advantage plans and other insurance plans include hearing benefits, such as coverage for a hearing exam or a discount on hearing aids. Coverage varies a lot, so call your plan and ask what it includes before you buy. Over-the-counter hearing aids may be a lower-cost option if your hearing loss is mild to moderate. For advice about your coverage, ask your plan, a benefits counselor, or your local State Health Insurance Assistance Program.
Learn more from trusted sources
These public health agencies explain social connection and low mood in more detail than this site does. For questions about your ears and hearing, start with your doctor.
- Tips for staying connected from the National Institute on Aging lists practical ways to stay in touch with people, including when health changes make it harder.
- Social connection from the CDC explains why time with other people matters for your health.
- Depression and older adults from the National Institute on Aging describes what depression can look like and how it is treated.
If you need care
If you’re in crisis in the United States, call or text 988 now, before you read any further. If phone calls are hard to hear, you can text 988 or use the chat on the 988 website. If you’re outside the United States, call your local emergency number or a local crisis line.
If you’re not in crisis but pulling away from people has come with a heavier feeling, like a flat mood most days, losing interest in what you used to enjoy, or a sense that tomorrow has shrunk, tell your doctor. Keep any prescribed medicine as prescribed until you’ve talked it over together. There’s more in the loneliness room and its questions and answers, short definitions in the glossary (including loneliness), and short answers in the FAQ. This page is not yet medically reviewed.